Posted in Relevant

The Fare Scam


The Fare Scam

Shuttle Bus2

The sum of all the fares some guys have sent and the girls still didn’t show up would make the loss ya our Learned Friend a drop in the ocean. Imagine there is a Truphena (read plain Jane) who waits for this guy to just say “ngwee”but amekulishwa blue ticks all through. This has just given her hope I tell you #WajingaSisi

Nasijasema fare kukulwa na akina Shiro wa Naikuru! And she pretended to be a crush – when she saw you were in Kisumu(the days you post upon landing) akasema she is ready to kuja fio fio kumbe wacha tu. Kidogo kidogo she tells you “swirry aki fare ya shuttle imepandishwa I only had 500reds wanasema ni thao. What do I do?” That is when you swallow mzima mzima and the fisi in you opens all eyes and your tongue is now salivating kidoggy. Remember- she has just posted on her IG and FB that she is traveling to the Lakeside complete with a jaw dropping dress. Posing behind the shuttle. Sema kukill all the vybe you had developed with the local Adhiambo cianda. Juu umeona minchi minchi rangi ya thao. So instead of the thao she asked, you send 5Gs ndio ajue pesa otas. She calls immediately to say thank you and she can’t wait to see you in two hours. Then you wait – you order for a botro of Jamie.  You turn down your boys invite to Sloan saying clubbing findu shi  Hahahahaha you laugh at the couple at the corner of the restaurant telling yourself kimoyomoyo “eee watanitambua wakiona my beautiful minchi minchi ehe ngoja tu!” Kidogo kidogo she texts approaching Kericho beb. You are now sold. You high five the waiter for no reason insanely smiling. You have already pictured the tu stylo you are going to do. Kwanza you imagine suguaing the kathing on the sofa in the business executive room you have booked at the Sovereign Suites weee. You change your status pic to your best smile of the day with the caption “counting my blessings”. She then likes your pic with a comment – “amen and me too”. You are over the moon – you call your boys and tell them wasipitie coz something just came up. You call your taxi guy Oti and ask him to safisha his mots as u will need him to pick someone. You even ask him to come for one drink on you ndio asipate biz iingine. You order for some njugu to increase power au sivyo mtu nguyas.  She texts “We are now at Awasi but my phone is almost going off”. You quickly text her directions and Otis’s number plate and where he will be waiting at the shuttle stage. Her phone is off but you are strong even a hard on is rocking your trousers. The nyeuthi fisi in you is already in cloud nine. The 45mins that had remained to her arrival becomes 2hrs. Oti is now pissed waiting. You now even head to the shuttle stage in anxiety. That’s when you realize she didn’t even text you the number plate of her ride. True caller notifies you her name is not Shiro but Kinya! You can’t believe it.

You try calling her with Otis’s number just to confirm you are not blocked. Same result- tururu mteja wa nambari…. you get pissed at the voice over Safaricom lady. Your eyes are now shifty and teary….. na makwapa are wet in exasperation – hands wet in desperation. Your bouncy step is now a draggy wobbly affair. Your tongue is almost dry and you swallow hard – painfully ofcourse. Oti now demands 2Gs for keeping him waiting for nothing. Your mind reels in flashbacks. You remember when you first chatted and became friends on socio media. Since you booked the room double and lazima itumike you call Adhiambo the local acquaintance. She now has attitude since you had ignored her earlier. You quickly head to Sloan- where you find your boys too drunk to help and chicks have already paired up with tumundus. The only available ones are the “jalendas” meaning you can only hit without looking at the face and not respectable enough to take to Sovereign Suites. Mwanaume ni effort; you encourage yourself and become a “hongo” eyes darting here there for the paired ones since you know iko jamaa atalewa kupindukia. It’s now 2am and time is of essence and you have a flight the next day in the afternoon you engage full gear fisi tactics. To quicken matters you entice your target with drinks – luckily her pair is snoozing comfortably on the chair. He had invested in her taxi there, food, drinks and fun – you chomesha his bet like Arsenal using the sponyos trick of letting her ask for anything. You even allow her to keep your wallet with your cards and your Patek Phillipe watch that cost a Ka floti in Ukambani. Lying to her that you don’t trust the guys around hahahah She ingias box and she volunteers to accompany you only for a drink then she leaves. You two know too well the drink in question will turn out to be a  bed ride and a request for a little “favour” in the morning. But now what is – you care less as you confirm the three pack in your pocket is intact. And swear that’s the last time you will ever send fare – you lie to yourself. Patting yourself for scoring after a gruesome foiled attempt but recovered a chase umecheza ki-Man U. On the other hand your brother wakes up in his room – he curses for sleeping on the job. Calls the kayeng-she lies about something. Since he is staying another day – she volunteers to join him in the room. He is delighted and sends cab fare. She is over the moon as she now has 6Gs. 5k that you gave her and 1k that he has now sent. Huku wewe umeland back na deni ya tala, branch, mshwari, KCB Mpesa etc. She jumps on a boda- gets there in 12mins for a red. She asks for some drinks – he orders in. The next day she bids him bye after kupigishwa nduru ya mg. Without being prompted your brother gifts her more cab fare and a thank you in the form of “hii ni ya airtime” with a tight hug. Hii mambo ni ngumu as Sautisol sang  – Pombe sigara….lakini hawa wasichana tunawapenda …. till the next fare is eaten teren teren

Posted in Challenges, Need Intervention, Technology

Memory Refresh: Solving Nairobi Traffic


Good Morning Your Excellency Governor Mike Mbuvi Sonko,

We are grateful that you have lifted the ban. I am sure your intentions for signing the bill into law was informed by the need to make Nairobi a great, clean and traffic fluid city. I hope you remember the days of Kenya Bus Services. In your deliberations with other stakeholders, you could consider those long routes that used to cut across our city. You can also consider having a time based traffic management policy for the routes.

KBS 34

Here is what I mean. We had no 52 – that would start from Dandora and go all the way to Ngong, We had no 42a&b that would start in Dandora into town via Juja Road then proceed to Ayany. There were many other like no 17b that would start from Kasarani bia Kayole and terminate in Karen etc. remember our Governor that they all had a time schedule with a bus leaving every 5 to 10mins. And the stage stops were also controlled between 2 to 5mins.

If this were to be implemented to cut across Kiambu, Kajiado, Machakos and other neighbouring counties your Excellency – we will create more opportunities for traffic marshals to enforce time schedules – equip each sub-county terminus as we have done for the bus station in town (all terminus areas will have more business opportunities as spurred by human traffic) We will also create inspector jobs within the saccos which can be in shifts and covering every three to five stages to check tickets, seat beats,bus cleanliness, passenger manifest etc. Since the routes will be longer drivers and conductors will have shifts thus the need to have more of them.

Related image

This can be piloted with bus coaches that can carry more than 30 passengers to be effective and can slowly be accelerated into the BRT strategy so that higher passenger capacity buses are deployed to ply the routes. You will have helped traders and children who criss cross the city for trade and education. This will enhance traffic efficiency, spur an almost 24hour bus transit business thus boost the economy, will be easy to enforce safety for passengers and all citizens. I trust this among other considerations will help ease traffic within the city. #keeptrusting

Regards, Lunani Joseph

Lunani Joseph

Acknowledgement: KBS#34 Picture is from KenyanList.com Webpage and the NEoplan 122 Seater Bus is from autoline.info webpage.

Posted in Challenges, Need Intervention

No folly without a dolly


Historical studies almost prove that there is nothing new to this world. Yes, there is advancement in many areas around the human race but our actions more often than not follow patterns of yester years. Archaelogical studies confirm written history on religion, arts and science. I therefore hold as true what the writer of Ecclesiastes states that everything under the earth has been there before. Probably differing in form or spirit but bound together in many similarities.

This stamped authority to our forefathers warnings, admonitions, philosophy and proverbs. We need hind sight and insights from the past to chart better our course in the present and the future. Each one of us requires a compass and what better way than a North to refer to. Our north in socio-political, medical, technology, the arts and whatever else should always remain true.

It is possible many of us go on with our daily lives not knowing what our true north is. In the literal form this could be our principles, value system and reference virtues. Just like the geographical north, we require unchanging, tested and proven foundations to back our reference virtues.

Our clamour to understand the past then is justified and explains the millions spent in research of history in all our unique subjects. There has never been a time so crucial in the history of Kenya as a country as now. We need more understanding in how this country was founded. The intrigues behind the scenes pre-colonial, colonial and post colonial times. A critical look at how we lived as communities, how we governed ourselves before the “visitors” came and how we changed. For the “visitors” to have found virgin land then in a paradox found indigenous workers to staff and operationalise development in their knowledge is a good joke.

Far from the antics of the “visitors” to disorient and re-programme communities that were assumed primitive and savage living; Kenya is now a country bound by marked borders, disputed islands, one governance structure and a constitution assimilated at independence, amended over time and reviewed in the recent past. The drama in between this metamorphosis is still scarcely documented and we have side stories that we all enjoy to hear. Some laden with so much exaggeration, half truths and fictional effects that can rival Oscar awarded pieces.

Documented or not these stories are being told and sadly shape many minds into mediocrity, nepotism, tribalism and birth corruption seeds. “Wale walituibia; sisi tumenyanyaswa; kila mtu anajitetea ; mtu wetu ndio tunataka;” among other pseudo community phrases are free radio words in our present society. We may fault the government but its folly is a tapestry of our communal thoughts and actions. We  feed its engines with “our people” who in turn have ” their people”, who form inner circles for “their bidding” then we collectively expect to be “in benefit”. When names are thrown in the thresh-floor of appointing ears, we fall over ourselves in prediction spins and even the dramatic rumour milling to fervent prayer including professional lobbying.

We now have a “handshake” brokered peace among two debatable  kingpins of two factions of the country. Surprisingly none of them has complete authority over the said factions. This is evidenced in the JKIA runaway drama. It is good fodder for media houses and political banter but shamefully it is the undoing of Kenya. Behind the scenes we have disconnected and disenfranchised handlers of the dolly and thus the folly.

May peace prevail, may rights be honoured, may our governance be in harmony, may our peoples behave and may we see Kenya rise. God bless Kenya!

 

Posted in Need Intervention, Thumbs Up

DECLUTTER


We all have pursuits and quests we set for ourselves to achieve. More often than not what is important gets sucked up in clutter of priorities. It is always a joy when we spring back into focus and get things done as we had set out. That is why we have to continuously and jealously guard our focus by decluttering.

Declutter2

The Heart – I once shared some stories in my life with a friend and she exclaimed that it seemed straight out of the movies. Normal people have incredible and amazing stories around their lives. The interesting parts consist of people, issues and how those are tackled. a good place to start to declutter is the heart. The heart controls the emotions and responses we have towards people. When we are angry we will detach, display aggression and even act in peculiar ways that show bad attitude, arrogance and somewhat barbaric. Shah Rukh Khan playing as Rahul in the movie Chennai Express holds unto the mantra “Do not underestimate the power of a common man”. I dare say “Do not under estimate the power of the heart of a common man”. Chennai Express is a movie full of colour not only in costumes and rich pictures but a story weaved out of love. Rahul’s grandfather passes on and he promises the family that he will scatter his ashes in the Rameshwaram river. He is bound to his vow and family honour to deliver the ashes as promised then his “heart” is caught up in a love fit that has to accommodate Meena (played by Deepika Padukone) and the drama in her life. How does he manage his “heart” to pursue Meena as well as keep his focus on scattering his grandfather’s ashes in the Rameshwaram?

Chennai Express            Chennai Express2

All of us have a purpose in life. We set out priorities and undeterred we achieve but heart-strings most of the time get into the way. There is no prescribed way of decluttering the heart. We have to purpose to keep what is important the focus and keep at bay any distractions.

The mind – having a purpose is one thing, getting it done is another. Our mind is a powerful tool that feeds off our heart. It then fuels our actions – determining the intensity of our moves, speed and puts together the steps of the call. We need our mind in the greatest shape. My friend Javas Bigambo – a Thought Leader in Governance, Democracy & Devolution ; quips “…To deny a brain sufficient supply of acquired vital information is the most atrocious of ills…” We need to exercise our mind and brain with the most vigorous of activities to get the best out of it. Read books, synthesize concepts, question things then draw points from them – it is politely said that when we use 30% of our brain then we become successful anything higher than that gives us the name “genius”. Is it possible to organize our thoughts to question, conceptualize, structure a methodology, draw contingencies, have an evaluation matrix to measure advances made.

Javas Bigambo

The Spirit – we are blessed in Kenya that we have had crash courses in Law and our constitution that it is commonplace to find citizens arguing using clauses and derivative law terms. We have had good learning instances when our constitution was overhauled and the draft & ensuing document was widely debated, shared and snippets presented over and over that we can comfortably quote them. Senior lawyers, analysts and pundits alike have been quoted using Latin expressions enshrined in law studies that amicus curiae, modus operandi, obiter dictum, res judicata, inter vires among others can be used in common banter in homes and friendly conversation. In law definition and interpretations are presented in full length of the weight in the words used but more so in “the spirit” thereof. Within us we have our true intent in every move we make. Sometimes we compromise a pawn to slay a castle. The true intent here being not giving away something but to gain substantially in the loss(investment in our eyes). When we align our spirit to our heart and mind then we empower our spirit. The spirit encourages and rejuvenates us. It is gives the assurance that we are on the right course. Many use their faith and beliefs to feed their spirit. A strong spirit is a strong will which is difficult to bend.

I wish you the very best in you quest to declutter and achieve more in your pursuits.

Pictures courtesy of:

  • techystalk.com
  • Chennai Express adverts
  • citizentv.com

 

Posted in Challenges, Need Intervention

HE IS NOT YOURS


Either of us can have him

He likes variety my dear

A well cooked meal

Though he stands your fast food tendencies

He is not stingy – just learn how to ask

Pamper him with encouragement

Admire him constantly, privately & publicly

He is genuine and true like Tuskys

Each side we have of him is unique

Let’s partner to make him even greater

Only then can he afford our combined asks

Carry your weight girl-surprise best gifts

Support his career & business

Don’t just consume what we created

I like how he coins names to call us

Yours is as different & meaning as mine

He is not ordinary – I wouldn’t have known

Had you not broken him in a surly wig

Waah!He buys you airtickets? I will take the bus

Come on, you found me here

Leave your pretense at the makeup table

I will not let you spoil the masterpiece

If you cannot enhance him-girl bounce

He will find another willing & bidding

After I nurse him with chocolate love

Silky nights and starry adventures

You are confused

To think your “nini” will keep him

A man feeds not only bread mami

Build him with words & treats

Be firm but not harsh

Whenever you deny him he will run to me

That is the beginning of your loss baby

He is not yours

Either of us can have him

Posted in Challenges

SHE IS NOT YOURS


Neither is she mine

You see she yearns for new

She likes exotic things

Her simplicity is like Nakumatt

Aaaa you think I would not buy her things?

Please be advised, we dined and wined

Almost everyday she gave consent

She is generous you see

Frugal with passionate abandon

Don’t fight me

Let’s keep our lanes

You pay for what she wants

I will consent to what she asks of me

Sometimes I may choose pick a part of the ask

Ati Darling? She called me similar names

You were introduced to her family?

Brother, I almost paid “tsingombe”

Love to her is a mirage

She is broken and in rage

She will toy with your heart

Her tuning is so avid

That no beep will be mild

In want of fun or demand

Your tiding will be bid low

Bare minimum she will call it

Don’t run-she will run over you

You will be left stranded

High in love and low in confidence

Enjoy while it lasts-hold nothing

Expect no return

Just like ice cream lick to the last drop

Then when it runs out

Go out find another

She is not yours brother

Neither is she mine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Challenges, Need Intervention

It is true


Mama, Papa It is True

He seduced me with sweet lines

He took me to new places

Whatever he did seemed fun

He bought me things

Which melted my heart

Yes, I allowed him to touch me

I did not mind when he went too far

True, I accepted the gifts – drinks too

 

Mama, she lured me with beauty

Good looks and her smile mum

Radiated a strong attraction

Beyond the greetings, we hugged

She embraced engagingly

A hug was never enough

Yes, we did things Mama

 

You are the best Papa

He cannot come close

Though he tried – even dressed like you

He has a big car and a cosy apartment

I know dad but he was too sweet

I saw promise and grace in him

 

Imagine she cooks Mama

Not like you but other delicacies

I mean she is capable, very charming

Ofcourse nothing like you Mama

She got skills to, you see she…

Called me in a tone like no other

Her hands dripped of honey tingles

As she swayed I pulsated in admiration

 

She lit my heart with joy Mama

He used me in everyway then left

She went for another with a bigger car

I did not know he would fall for another

All alone I know now

You were right, I should be more careful

Yes Mama, Papa this is true