The Fare Scam

The Fare Scam

The sum of all the fares some guys have sent and the girls still didn’t show up would make the loss ya our Learned Friend a drop in the ocean. Imagine there is a Truphena (read plain Jane) who waits for this guy to just say “ngwee”but amekulishwa blue ticks all through. This has just given her hope I tell you #WajingaSisi

Nasijasema fare kukulwa na akina Shiro wa Naikuru! And she pretended to be a crush – when she saw you were in Kisumu(the days you post upon landing) akasema she is ready to kuja fio fio kumbe wacha tu. Kidogo kidogo she tells you “swirry aki fare ya shuttle imepandishwa I only had 500reds wanasema ni thao. What do I do?” That is when you swallow mzima mzima and the fisi in you opens all eyes and your tongue is now salivating kidoggy. Remember- she has just posted on her IG and FB that she is traveling to the Lakeside complete with a jaw dropping dress. Posing behind the shuttle. Sema kukill all the vybe you had developed with the local Adhiambo cianda. Juu umeona minchi minchi rangi ya thao. So instead of the thao she asked, you send 5Gs ndio ajue pesa otas. She calls immediately to say thank you and she can’t wait to see you in two hours. Then you wait – you order for a botro of Jamie.  You turn down your boys invite to Sloan saying clubbing findu shi  Hahahahaha you laugh at the couple at the corner of the restaurant telling yourself kimoyomoyo “eee watanitambua wakiona my beautiful minchi minchi ehe ngoja tu!” Kidogo kidogo she texts approaching Kericho beb. You are now sold. You high five the waiter for no reason insanely smiling. You have already pictured the tu stylo you are going to do. Kwanza you imagine suguaing the kathing on the sofa in the business executive room you have booked at the Sovereign Suites weee. You change your status pic to your best smile of the day with the caption “counting my blessings”. She then likes your pic with a comment – “amen and me too”. You are over the moon – you call your boys and tell them wasipitie coz something just came up. You call your taxi guy Oti and ask him to safisha his mots as u will need him to pick someone. You even ask him to come for one drink on you ndio asipate biz iingine. You order for some njugu to increase power au sivyo mtu nguyas.  She texts “We are now at Awasi but my phone is almost going off”. You quickly text her directions and Otis’s number plate and where he will be waiting at the shuttle stage. Her phone is off but you are strong even a hard on is rocking your trousers. The nyeuthi fisi in you is already in cloud nine. The 45mins that had remained to her arrival becomes 2hrs. Oti is now pissed waiting. You now even head to the shuttle stage in anxiety. That’s when you realize she didn’t even text you the number plate of her ride. True caller notifies you her name is not Shiro but Kinya! You can’t believe it.

You try calling her with Otis’s number just to confirm you are not blocked. Same result- tururu mteja wa nambari…. you get pissed at the voice over Safaricom lady. Your eyes are now shifty and teary….. na makwapa are wet in exasperation – hands wet in desperation. Your bouncy step is now a draggy wobbly affair. Your tongue is almost dry and you swallow hard – painfully ofcourse. Oti now demands 2Gs for keeping him waiting for nothing. Your mind reels in flashbacks. You remember when you first chatted and became friends on socio media. Since you booked the room double and lazima itumike you call Adhiambo the local acquaintance. She now has attitude since you had ignored her earlier. You quickly head to Sloan- where you find your boys too drunk to help and chicks have already paired up with tumundus. The only available ones are the “jalendas” meaning you can only hit without looking at the face and not respectable enough to take to Sovereign Suites. Mwanaume ni effort; you encourage yourself and become a “hongo” eyes darting here there for the paired ones since you know iko jamaa atalewa kupindukia. It’s now 2am and time is of essence and you have a flight the next day in the afternoon you engage full gear fisi tactics. To quicken matters you entice your target with drinks – luckily her pair is snoozing comfortably on the chair. He had invested in her taxi there, food, drinks and fun – you chomesha his bet like Arsenal using the sponyos trick of letting her ask for anything. You even allow her to keep your wallet with your cards and your Patek Phillipe watch that cost a Ka floti in Ukambani. Lying to her that you don’t trust the guys around hahahah She ingias box and she volunteers to accompany you only for a drink then she leaves. You two know too well the drink in question will turn out to be a  bed ride and a request for a little “favour” in the morning. But now what is – you care less as you confirm the three pack in your pocket is intact. And swear that’s the last time you will ever send fare – you lie to yourself. Patting yourself for scoring after a gruesome foiled attempt but recovered a chase umecheza ki-Man U. On the other hand your brother wakes up in his room – he curses for sleeping on the job. Calls the kayeng-she lies about something. Since he is staying another day – she volunteers to join him in the room. He is delighted and sends cab fare. She is over the moon as she now has 6Gs. 5k that you gave her and 1k that he has now sent. Huku wewe umeland back na deni ya tala, branch, mshwari, KCB Mpesa etc. She jumps on a boda- gets there in 12mins for a red. She asks for some drinks – he orders in. The next day she bids him bye after kupigishwa nduru ya mg. Without being prompted your brother gifts her more cab fare and a thank you in the form of “hii ni ya airtime” with a tight hug. Hii mambo ni ngumu as Sautisol sang  – Pombe sigara….lakini hawa wasichana tunawapenda …. till the next fare is eaten teren teren