Informations Systems Consultant

Posts tagged ‘love’

Vexatiously the stereotype


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There is art and there is science. There is religion and then there is the occult. We have the clever foolish and the stupid treacherous kind. The world as is has given us views of scenery, aesthetic beautiful nature and the absurd even weird (in our biased reasoning). Then there is the plain – true, pure, unadulterated and serene. The approach that we gain over the years given our history and culture, shapes our outlook. We are stitched by threads picked from old, new, rich, poor and annoyingly but creative tones. We are walking montages and present a collage in all we do. We even sometimes portray split characters as situations arise. “Wow! Isn’t she an adorable drummer?” we quip and all along we never knew this as we only saw her as the startup entrepreneur.

The potential within is amazing and unique. It is regrettable that we only live to scratch but the surface of our gifts and talents. The possibilities that lay untapped are annoyingly loud masterpieces that remain silent yet an applause await them. How sarcastic it is to expect the best in people but we are never willing to encourage their feeble start. Albert Einstein was a struggling student. Richard Branson is dyslexic. Jackie Chan struggles with English. Arnold Schwarzenegger was a struggling bodybuilder with small calves. The list of poor starters is as wide as all seas combined and as deep as space. But the progress and finish of many poor starters is astoundingly marvelous. Come out all ye that itch with gifts and talents. Push and assert yourselves!

Fall ye not in the trap of cheap mockery or the disillusionment of self pity. Many overcome barriers and limitations beyond our imaginations. Julius Yego – with no trainer and improvised equipment trained for the Olympics in a village and country that knew nothing about Javelin. Even now my guess is that there are none if any Javelin expert in Kenya!

It is easy to watch from a distance and critic. It is another thing to be blind to the now and focus on the possible future of success and great achievement. Pursue your dreams! Commit and work on it until aches cheer you on! Athletes push themselves harder than their targets. When I was training for the half marathon my coach shocked me to set the target at 40kms. I remember how difficult it was to even do the 21kms when we started. But after painfully pushing my limits I could muster 21kms in 2hrs. Looking back when we started and all I could do (since my waistline was 42inches then) was run for five minutes walk for three minutes. Today I can comfortably run for two hours with very few slow paces in between.

When the target is higher than the focus then all else becomes a breeze. I like what the sub-marine inventors Cornelis Jacobszoon Drebbel (Dutch) and John Philip Holland (Irish) believed and did the unorthodox. In 1620 the late Engineer Drebbel sketches his first sub marine – remember ships had not been storm proofed as today. It must have been ridiculous to onlookers. I can imagine the debacle and damning findings the sprocket of engineers had to dispute the viability of Drebbel’s venture. But he did make the first sub marine vessel. Advancing on this the late John Phillip Holland a ship builder in 1878 designed and fabricated a big submarine and it passed depths unimaginable before. His type 6 design after many years (1880-1900s) of struggle and lobbying was finally accepted by the US Navy and named “Uncle Sam’s Devil of the Deep”. Look beyond the common, push your dream farther than your energy and you will soar in the clouds of greatness with the eagles of achievement.

Type 1 Sub Design by Holland

Love is the greatest victim of stereotypes. We get in with full abandon then as the swimming gets rigorous we wade to the shallow end. Where our feet are on the pool floor and we can scamper to safety at the slightest alarm. Many want the benefits but are not willing to build the production units that generate them. Build each other up – support his/her ambitions, buy in their toil, like the coach train them into champions. It may mean a push here, a shove there but more encouraging and cajoling gets the job done. I like a female athlete from Kenya whose husband is the coach – I can only imagine the orgasm levels when “they” win as they have so many races!

The society we live in has too many of us that get carried away by mob psychology. We fall into the trap of negative peer pressure and stereotype labels. “Girls are not loyal”; “all men are players”; “there is no honest Kikuyu”; “Luos are lazy”; “Kambas are sly”; “Luhyas are gluttons” among many others. When we are captured in these innuendos we set ourselves into the respite and slavery of mediocrity. Unfortunately, we live up to these stereotypes with chagrin in our secret lives and when politicking. Father in heaven, save us from ourselves – we have sinned and we require mercy and grace more so in the renewal of our minds. We need the divine perspective of unity in purpose. To operate in interdependent harmony as designed by you and as witnessed in all nature. Do not tire on me my love – with you we can do all things and win many races in life. I am sorry for the slow start, mistakes and the losses in between. I love you!!

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Squeaky Clean


Stories are told of old – stories of love, romance and their estrangement. In the court of love, nothing is fair, nothing is trivial and yet everything should be looked at in respect to both parties. The suitor proposes, the betrothed can initially accept only to be swayed by other trappings on the sides. Love is unique and weird at the same time. How do you explain loving someone that you would die for them? Self preservation is the ultimate promise any human being holds. This denotes our DNA.

We do it subconsciously – we lie to save our skin, we choose the best and leave the rest for others, we pray for blessing for ourselves for hours on end yet mumble a line or two for others. We do this to protect ourselves. The selfish motive is to make sure we insulate ourselves against hurt. We get caught up – we set ourselves up in the wake of love. We ignite the fires and it is called upon us to keep the flame alive.

We outdo ourselves in the language of love. We present flowers, chocolates among other gifts even poetry.Unfortunately many leave “the chase” as their love is accepted and matures. I believe “the chase” as it is popularly known can be reinvented to create that challenge required to keep the fire burning. In this I submit to you that both parties require to work in the chase – dress the part, talk the part, walk the part, faith the part and even pray the part. There is an illusion that the man in the relationship should be the one to “chase”. I beg to differ and say it is symbiotic -the roles of give or take are exchangeably reversed for every scenario.

There is no perfection in any human being but we pursue it and progress.   We sharpen one another and together it has been proved a lot more can be achieved. It can never be clean but we can achieve squeaky clean status when we both exert ourselves.

 

Weak at the knees


There is a feeling that weakens the knees, melts courage and blinds any other focus. I am convinced this intense feeling is the key to bravery and hope. What a paradox that which makes you weak into fondness builds up hope, confidence and courage. Then all of over sudden in the blindness of your feelings you move to convince all and sundry that you found the one!

Many days ago (probably a year has passed) a friend of mine posted on his Facebook page that he had met and fallen in love with one cute girl. In my culture you never take hear say as the truth until such is presented to you first hand; therefore I did not make much out of it but to “like” the status and left it at that.

Any good meal starts from the farm and the nurture of all other ingredients – we watched in silence as we learnt of increased mentions of dates, our friend became “friendly” scarce but this is the natural process of breaking out and cleaving as the scripture advises. We cheered from afar and prayed in goodwill for their well being. It therefore was a joy when the dates turned into court! By the very act of proposing in his romantic scheme on her birthday with a ring to boot. A few weeks later we were invited for the dowry negotiations and plans to travel out of town and witness fell into shape.

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The drive to Voi early morning of 29TH April 2017 was tranquil as the road led us through the fascinating plains of Lukenya, Savannah country of Kibwezi through Tsavo and the rich majestic hills of Taita. A stopover in Voi town to consolidate and team up with our friend’s family was done before we set off for Mwatate. The winding road up the Mgange hill was enchanting. The sobering height elevation and picturesque sights were just divine. The scenery of plush green with dotted trees and canopies was orgasmic to our eyes and spirit. As nature led us to the peak and the climax where clouds kiss the earth as fog and soft showers teased us. It was a glory sight that afternoon to almost be one with nature.

The journey led us to a homely village perched on the hillside almost at the top and to a rapturous welcome of Taita song & dance. The pretty dressed up ladies ululated and harmoniously belted out tunes that could arouse love from deep within!

From the introduction to the negotiations (which were successful glory to God) and the ultimate dance and see off ceremony – we witnessed culture with it’s goodwill and a people proud of their roots. As we set off in the dark, our hearts were at peace and our spirits excited in the flame of love. We had won even though it was only our friend who was “weak in the knees”  and had come out to rally a whole convoy of over 16 vehicles, numerous relatives and over 50 friends to take him to his in-laws. This proves that love is no weakness nor blindness; it is fortitude, gratitude and appreciation. Love definitely conquers all – the long winding road, the plains, the Savannah, the hills, the rain, the community (of family, friends even foes) and “the one”.

As we sat down to reflect the day at Voi Wildlife Lodge the following morning, we were in awe and yes the tone for more fulfilling journeys of love was reinstated.

Gifts & Super Gifts


The social media scene in Kenya and beyond was awakened on late Saturday by the flamboyant gift one husband  received from his wife of one year business woman Laura Akunga.Laura Akunga

 

 

 

 

 

 

The photo of the said gift had a price tag for a caption and surprisingly the censoring of the number plate did not hinder leakage of the actual details.Lauras Gift

 

 

 

 

This is no ordinary gift within the majority of Kenyans but it is also not an extra-ordinary gift when one loves or for the romantic at heart. In history we have countless romantics and lovers that gave body organs, built world wonders, exquisite, bizarre ,expensive gifts even to the point of death. Shakespeare quips in his love story Romeo & JulietMy bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite

The Bible recounts in Songs of Solomon vii: vi

“…for love is strong as death,
    jealousy[a] is fierce as the grave.[b]
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
    the very flame of the Lord.
Many waters cannot quench love,
    neither can floods drown it…

That is why philosophy embodies the words  “In love & in war all is fair“. There are those that cannot imagine a scenario where they can gift anyone high value things. Then there are those that can cross valleys, rivers, mountains and rivers as R.Kelly lyrics in his song Angel for the one they love. No value is big enough to express ourselves in love.

The story of the Taj Mahal is a story of one emperor who built it to show his love.

Taj Mahal

The Hanging Gardens was also a symbol and gift of love.

Hanging Gardens

Governments and countries resources of old and to come have been run-down on loves account. Where leaders wanted to make statements of love to their lovers. In this case Laura needs to be allowed to do as she pleases for her love. She needs to be spared the vitriol in social media for she has used what is at her disposal to honour her man in her fashion. Rev. Lukas Njenga once advised me that a person shares his love language – the most important thing is to align your showcase with the other person’s love language. There are ladies who cherish flowers as gifts. There are those that would not hear any of it. There are those that cherish cows and many other different things. So he went on to say – our expressions of love need to be in line with the person’s love language to be fully appreciated and connect.

Have we had Laura’s husband complain that the gift is not his love language? No. Even if he differed the way is was offered with cameras in the glare and friends to boot – no man worthy his salt can raise a complain then. And now that everyone knows the color of the vehicle gift and number plate – he might not be comfortable using it lest it be branded ” Laura’s gift car” whenever it drives past onlookers.

I am sure he has offered his fair share of quality gifts  to Laura. If we will ever come to know of the details that is another story. He may not be as “showy” as Laura. For she is a strong brand and nothing from her is short of a script and camera. As a branding entrepreneur we have to give it upto her. She waltz into news, rumours and dances her way into headlines. Remember she chose to wed the man on valentines day – 14TH February 2014. And her wedding was nothing short of a celebrity affair. I was privileged to make the invite list and to say the least it was charming.

Salute to Laura’s bold love statement – cheers to the many lovers who have given good gifts and super gifts. Big-up to “sponsors” (my friend Victor Ogolah and Spencer Okach introduced me to this word) who repeatedly give Demios, Vitz and other good tiny cars among other gifts to the “sponsees”.

IS SEX A MEASURE OF LOVE??


In my childhood days, the subject “sex” was considered offensive. So it was never discussed and just the mention of the noun would give you stern looks, disapproving gazes and some bashing afterwards. During my adolescent years, the topic brought our class to giggles during home science lessons. This embarrassed the lady teacher. Many times in embarrassment never mentioned it or referred to the subject in quick passing and changed the topic too quickly.

As a Christian teenager, the literature and theology material provided to us in church was very categorical. Keep sex for marriage period. Whereas the sex literature available (unsolicited through friends-hidden in places we stumbled on) gave us a glimpse of illicit descriptive affairs that just blew our minds off. This created a nag in our manhood that like a dagger against our chest caused us to succumb in many ways than one.

The hunger for more illicit sex “reads” grew. The imagination of recreating the stories we read or pictures we saw kept our eyes evil with desire. The rogue of us went further to solicit for sex, cajole girlfriends or plainly deceive girls of a non-existent love expecting sex in-return. Were we prepared? Did we know how to start? What rules did we lay to protect ourselves? On what doctrine or principle did we engage? We were oblivious to all these facts. The lurking lust could not be vanquished in thought and so we indulged. Many came back with stories of greatness, new conquers laced in exaggerated symbolism.

Many caught up in the lies about sex are still drowning in the illegitimate expression of it. Others who covered their stories “in veiled” pretence still struggle to check the allure of the “lurking lust”. Few confessed, repented and welcomed the Holy Spirit to help weed out the sinful desires.  As my bestman Reuben Odanga well puts it “Your spirit will accept salvation but remember the flesh is still physical & so when  in temptation FLEE!!”. And testament to his admonition-our flesh plays games to our mind and the nagging sinful feeling is always at bay. Many times I flee but the “lurking lust” is always in pursuit. This made be re-evaluate and re-strategise my approach towards sex.

It is a creation of God. Who intends it for noble, meaningful and satisfactory engagement of married couples. For the discerning believer, all it takes is to retrace our faith in Jesus Christ. There is no one who is pure. But you can start by confessing, repenting and change your discourse unto Christ. Once there, then map out sex not as a stumbling block but as God’s gift. Whose use in the context of marriage is not only a blessing but a powerful tool for God’s Glory.

Here is what I have learnt in my pre-marital class and going four years in marriage:

1. Prepare for Sex: Like any great venture, more knowledge than little is good insight to any unfamiliar territory. Set the mood. Check the room, check your breath, body odour or cologne, check the ambiance(music, lighting,smells..) and accessories (lubricants, towels, snacks, drinks…)

2. Pray for a good sex life: There things to bind and loose others for a fulfilling sex life in marriage. Bind the past (evil or not) Loose any heart or physical binds of former days. Pray for that which you desire-the quality, quantity and else. Get to the details that disturb, confuse or arouse you. Pray before the wedding, after and all days for the sanctity of your marriage.

3. Un-learn, Learn & re-learn: Forget ye the former ways & assumptions. Remember this is your wife. Honour her by unlearning what you think you already know. Learn her preferences and keep in mind as much as you want to be pleased as you engage in sex-she needs to be pleased and satisfied. Research about sex in marriage. There are many useful on-line resources and books e.g His Needs, Her Needs; http://site.themarriagebed.com/ ,  http://www.the-generous-husband.comhttp://www.the-generous-wife.com/http://www.fascinatingrelationship.com and many more. If you look keen enough you will find many other useful resources. Remember to discard those that amplify sex as a pleasure gratification object for consenting adults. IT IS ONLY MEANT FOR THE MARITAL BED.

4. Submit you are human: Temptations will come as to that you can handle thus promises the Lord. Learn Satan’s allures – the light touch, flirting, mischievous texts, the lingering hugs, winks, pokes, the pretentious help calls etc And flee them. Never give them room as they will sneak in and destroy your blessings path.  In unbecoming circumstances retrace your steps to God.

5. Walk with thy Kingdom: When in doubt of the invitation ask your wife to accompany you. Men are physical and the emotive intelligence of your wife can be very useful in steering you away from trouble. When invited for weddings, parties or other social events-ask her in advance to dress the part and accompany you. For business meetings out of town that allow for couples and might take longer than a week-check if it is worth it-if you can afford it and if her coming will not inconvenience her schedule. She can plan activities for the day-research in the town etc then join you in the evening.

6. Adore thy Queen: Where your treasure is so is your heart. Live this principle. Invest in her pleasure. Give her time she needs and some more. Buy her expensive presents that you are too broke to be philanthropic with any other. Plan for the exotic escapades. When out of town put her first by mopping out any extra time that the devil might use-schedule your day so tight by training in the gym,read the bible and other meaningful publications, shop for her(one time I shopped three suitcases and only three items in the total luggage were mine-she had to send me money for excess baggage and God was she glad when she opened them), call her often, long and deliberate. prepare a story of the trip-take photos, write notes and any other interesting things about the place that will make good conversation & knowledge. Help her with her dreams- help her study; Help her with house work, be her confidant, bodyguard, chauffeur, trainer and massage therapist ( you can learn). This vulnerable things make many women adore other men. Do not wait to be replaced-mark the territory! Treat her with royalty and man will you remain King (all will notice)

7. Review, Reflect & Recharge: Do not get into routine. Style up; write poetry, make cards(even with external help), Print t-shirts, email, text, call, drop flowers and others. Just when she thinks she knows how you love her- surprise her again and again; and she will fall for you over and over!

Why Shout?


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A theology professor was teaching about proverbs 15:1. He asked his students, “Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset? The students thought for a while. One of them said, because we lose our calm, we shout for that. “But why shout when the other person is just next to you?” asked the professor.
“Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you are angry?” The students gave some other answers but none satisfied the professor. Finally
he explained, “When two people are angry at each other, their hearts psychologically
distance themselves. To cover the distance, they must shout to be able to hear each other.

The angrier they are, the stronger they will shout to hear each other through that great distance.
Then the professor asked, “What happens when two people fall in love?
They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are psychologically very close. The distance between them is very small. The professor continued,
“When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they even get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all….
So next time
you shout to a loved one, know that you are creating distance between your heart and that person’s heart. Proverbs 15:1, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Recall. This is very true. Let’s start today and practice not to shout. I will for sure remember. Besides, shouting drains so much energy!… so please tell your friends, family members or partners to remind you when you start shouting at them.

– Anonymous

Built by Hurt


How does it feel when a loved one makes you sad?

How do you feel when you are the one that makes your love sad?

I know how it hurts when a friend does the despicable. I have been the friend that sometimes inflicts the pain. No ice cream as sweet can dilute the sour taste. Not their ask of pardon deletes the hurt. So what then after being hurt? Workmates may cause us to suffer inside. They unknowingly or maliciously take up our projects. Make changes to our work without consulting or due cause. They often take credit of your good work. Sideline you when your proposal wins the job. Give you roles that seem to work in your disadvantage as they are full of contentious issues. A boss may be out to make you have no peace.

A spouse may do silly things and bring disgrace to you. They may never want to own up but continuously cover up. Friends many times will leave you hanging. They rejoice when you fall. They are okay with you only if they are on top. They may never pay for the coffee or even try to. They always have a favour to ask but never available when you have one. They may never forgive you for one mistake yet they expect you to note they are human when they err. This is the part that Jesus as a friend makes so much sense.

There are two critical decisions to make when in pain.

1. To dwell in denial and blame

2. To shake off; forgive and move on with or without them

When we do continue the blame game and continuously try to replay the scene, we only hurt the more. If we replay and try re-set the scene then we could hit depression. Our minds are in constant motion so if we replay a moment too long then we suffer the risk to hit a snag. Like a disc player trying to play a corrupt section of the disc, the only sound will be screeches. We know too well that can cause damage to the greater part of the disc and the laser head too.

So I choose to mend my errors to friends, family and my love. I will not seek the answers to why and how. I will not replay the hurt inflicted on me or I caused to them. I will sincerely apologise, restitute where possible and double my energy to grow into a new dispensation of that relationship.

Yes, things might never be the same but then in motion there is more gain than being stagnant in pain. I will forgive, I will pray good tidings to them and usher God through Christ to solve the mystery of hard relationships.

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